The Waiting Game

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I prided myself on the fact that I can get through any situation unscathed with my unique way with words. 

I always counted on my wit… I always thought it would never fail me.

Oh but alas, how the mighty have fallen. I finally, finally found my match. 

I once  envisioned this scenario to be a bit overly dramatic~ like in a life or death situation~ so imagine my own surprise and fascination that the unthinkable happened with a mere confession and tear-streaked face of the boy that once was, but never again will be.

I never thought my mind would stop it’s automatic and intricate weaving of my beautiful vocabulary~ which can make the mighty knights kneel in defeat. But  then you came along and brought with you waves of anguish and self doubt that I never imagined to witness in this lifetime.

We were tossing the blame back and forth, when really, we were both at the wrong. We each had our own shortcomings, and even if I  hate to admit it, this ~ whatever this is~ can never be permeated to fluorish.

I never meant to bring you pain!  Please believe me when I say that in all the ways I imagined this blatant show of weakness (and perhaps love?) to happen, never did it involve tears of grief. 

But, maybe, that is just how the universe tells us that it is not yet ready for our kind of love.

Maybe, we will get our own time. 

Maybe, we can have our own sort of happy ending someday…just not today.

I’m sorry for never giving us a chance from the beginning. I was scared; I was a coward who tried to get over these feelings by shoving them in the deepest and darkest corner of my mind. And I never once thought that it can escape that dungeon and come crashing down on me in the least way expected.

But, now that all these feelings are out there, I do have some hope that we would get our own beautiful story in this lifetime.

I can wait…it’s all I’ve been doing lately. 

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A Cold Night Comes yet I Strive

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​   The dark clouds are coming to swallow me up again, and this time I know how to stop it, I just don’t know if I want to.
   I feel like there’s a constant trail of ‘tiredness’ that’s choking me up and making me restless.
   Then, there’s this anger bubbling up from inside me; it fills up this void until it brims and then, then it’s threatening to burst and destroy my shell.
   It’s mood swings right? That’s the constant echo in my head. This feeling of inadequacy is just a phase, it will go away soon…right?
   That’s what I was hoping for, at least.
   Have you ever felt like you are at a standstill in life? Like one day you’re this honor-driven woman out for perfection, and then the next you’re just, kind of there…merely existing for the heck of it.
   Right now I’m at that point in my life. Like an author struggling with a writer’s block, I don’t know how the story line of my main character should go. I am at a standstill in a crossroad.
   And although I know that I can consult with other writers as well or do some reading in order to get some sort of inspiration to continue my work, I just… I can’t seem to find the strength and courage to do so right now. 
   It’s like my hands that I have relied upon for so many years to pick up my pen and my papers, or to type away with my laptop…they too grew tired and weary ~ either of over-usage or disuse nowadays.
   Some days I feel like bawling over and over again in my bed…some nights I feel like no one really cares and no one would care of what will happen. They say they do, but really, all they care about is how they would respond so people around them can see their vulnerability. And this vulnerability makes  their hold on other people surrounding them strong and true.
   Someone once read my story and asked me, with an irksome and incredulous facade (like she swallowed a very bad tasting drink), then what the heck do you want to happen? It’s like she questioned my whole belief system. She has her own opinions in life and I didn’t even make her read my own story but she was quick to judge me and deduce me like my brain was in the wrong somehow. 
   Is it wrong to live a life built on what I hold dear and true? Is it wrong to write my own life based on my belief system?
   That act of questioning I guess, was what pulled the final post that once kept my immaculate and impeccable empire of self-appreciation and self-respect to crumble.
   That simple question led to a domino effect. I grew tired and weary of people coming to question my ideologies. Why do some people not have a filter between their brains and their mouths?
   I kept on telling everyone around me not to let the opinion of other people shape their own version of themselves, but here I am, throwing that advice away being a complete hypocrite.
   But, I still hold my ideologies and what makes myself whole intact…but I guess the anger and the betrayal overpowered my sense of judgement. These two strong emotions carved too deep in my own dark abyss, allowing them to stay rooted in my own mind. And until the day I manage to uproot them comes, I will keep on questioning myself which direction I must command my feet to take. Unless I find a way to uproot them, my hands are tied and my brain is enclosed in a jail of my own creation.

   I have to overcome this…I can, I must, I will.

FAMILY

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I think, nowadays, the type of FAMILY that stays together against all odds is already considered a ‘rare’ occurance.
And the people with such a strong familial bond should consider themselves blessed.
I for one consider myself to be one of the blessed ones…the ‘chosen’ few gifted with such a favor. Why?
Since I was a kid, my parents embedded in me the lesson: family is family. There will be no questions, when a part of that family is in need, one should do anything in his or her power to lend a helping hand and lighten the burden of the relative.
And i am very thankful for this early lesson, bec the tribulations trying to sway some of my loved ones off their feet? Yep, those are nothing compared to the love and support and foundation of our family.
That is the secret, i suppose, to having a happy family.
Threaten one? I’m sorry, you’ll just wet your pants.
Belittle one? Oh, okay, we have back up much greater than the power money can buy…
BULLY one? Are you sure? Get ready bec all your secrets will be revealed. But don’t worry, we won’t gossip it, we’ll just make inside jokes abt you that will literalize the saying ‘cry like a river’.

An Open Letter To All Pharmacy Students

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An Open Letter To All Pharmacy Students

❤ #pharmacy

The Courtyard of Sephiroth

Dear pharmacy students,

           We enrolled in a pharmacy school with different reasons. Some voluntarily chose this path while others were even forced. As we took the pharmacy course, we all already know that we must graduate and get that B.S. Pharmacy degree. That is our number one goal. We also know that graduating is not the end, our second goal is we still need to pass the board exam. These are our main goals as a pharmacy student. To graduate and to pass the board exam.

To all 1st year and 2nd year students

Most of your subjects right now are minor subjects right? There are only two things that I want to tell you:

  • First, enjoy those minor subjects. Because when you’re going to be a 3rd and 4th year student, you will surely miss these subjects. You can definitely say, “Sana P.E. nalang subjects ko…

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A MATTER OF WILL!

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A MATTER OF WILL!

As I open my 2016 with a chorus of fireworks’ booms and its plethora of colors, I would like to give a grander farewell to 2015.

2015…I could not have lived you better. The lessons you instilled and the experiences you continuously threw my way with the struggles that engulfed me yet never drowned me; thank you for it all.

2015…it felt so long when I welcomed you with an open heart and a blank space in my 365 paged book, and now…I look back and cannot even see beyond the infinite flashbacks of heart-melting yet bittersweet smiles and victories that God has bestowed upon me during your reign. Thank you for that.

2015…thank you for giving me this wonderful opportunity to begin the ugly yet beautiful process of battling my own demons. It is a struggle yes, but with your kin’s help (2016 and so on), I will continue to be strong to shatter the barricades my mind has conjured and will live wothout limits.

2015…I will become unstoppable.

I will let go of the remaining strings of inhibitons binding me still with the life of the ungrateful. I will overcome challenges and keep on leveling up; and with God’s help, I will accomplish the impossible.

It’s never again going to be a thought whether I CAN or I CAN’T…throughout 2016, and the years to come, everything is just going to be a matter of I WILL!

And…I assure you this 2016 my will is going to be better and stronger like my past years have never seen before!

2016: Let’s get this on!

10 things: what it’s like to have younger sisters

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Having sisters is a weird thing, like one minute you’ll be totally laughing and joking with each other (basically having a good time), the next, you’ll literally be at each other’s throats exchanging profanities. Having a sister will push you to become someone you never thought you can be; like an everyday bitch-faced koala with clothe-hogging abilities similar to a fire-breathing dragon burning everyone who dares set foot on their towers!

Seriously, they (sisters) are great and fabulous to have around, but they are HARD work and definitely HIGH maintenance, so for those ‘one-child’ people out there, this is a sneak peak of having retardedly gifted siblings!

1. Who needs alarm clocks when you have baby sisters?!

If you have a baby sister, it doesn’t matter to them if you just spent an all-nighter doing a finals project, or that you haven’t had sleep in the last 72 hours or so…she will come banging on your bedroom door (and knock it down if need be)just to make sure they scream bloody well in your ear that ‘BREAKFAST IS READY’.

Some (like mine) even adds a little threat, “IF YOU DON’T COME DOWN NOW I’LL TELL MOMMY YOU GAVE ME YOUR PANCAKES!” Which is cue for you to jump out of bed and beat her to it.

2. Never ever let them in on a little secret!

Sure, it feels soooooo good to confide in them when you’re both in the same mood..but once you ruin their their mood with something so trivial as making them ‘lower’ their obnoxiously loud speakers, get your horrified faces ready because they will make you pay come dinner…because dinner is when the whole family eats and sits together for some ‘talk’, and trust me when I say that they will magically transform as the annoying goody-two shoes tattle tale kindergartens and definitely ‘tattle’ on you!

It’s okay, you’ll live, but that’s 2 months worth of kissing your phone privileges bye-bye!

3. Missing clothes are NORMAL!

This is REALLY the most FRUSTRATING of all, and usually the one time your parents will side on you!

Do you have a one-of-a-kind fancy dress that you have spent your bloody allowance and lived countless days of having nothing for lunch but a slice of pizza (which is nourishing) and a carton of spoiled milk?! Well, say au revoir, no excuse and drama can stop your sister from magically transporting it to her closet! 😥

4. Being annoyed every second comes naturally

    With sisters around there’s always something annoying just around the corner! It can be with the volume of the piano playing on max while you’re trying helplessly to watch that new Game of Thrones episode on HBO! Then when you go up the stairs you notice your fantabulously, sparkling favorite new bra lying around the hamper basket when you swore you have never used it that week! The worsest thing in the history of worsest things…when you check the fridge for your ‘comfort food’ and then see that it disappeared…JUST LIKE THAT! Without any sort of gratification that you’re supposed to experience from the spellbinding trance that that scrumdiddlyumptious piece of chocolate cake or chocobanana or crepe or whatever is supposed to bewitch you with!

5. HUMILIATION is in the TERMS & AGREEMENTS portion

Trying to give that hottest boy, who miraculously seems to go googly eyes on you the whole night, the flirtatious grin that you could ever muster? Well, don’t bother, sissies have this horribly accurate timing (like moms) of surprising you with their unneeded kindness at the worst possible scenario! Like my example above, when you have alone time with hottest boy then BAM! Your family car suddenly makes a very dramatic entrance (and I mean DRAMATIC..the screeching noise of the wheels on the gravel..the whole enchilada!) with your sisters in tow and yelling for you like wild Indian tribes to haul your ass up in there!

This is a TRUE story but I may have tweaked some deets, like how I was the one who did this to my eighth grade sis and idk if there is really a boy involved LOL :p

Seriously though...we should have a reality show! (kidding!) xoxo

Seriously though…we should have a reality show! (kidding!) xoxo

6. You will learn KARMA is a REAL BITCH!

Never, I mean NEVER EVER mess with your littlest sister! (especially if said sis can literally kick your ass with the help of your dad’s karate skills!)

If there ever is a bias in life…that would be that KARMA always favors the youngest! For real! Like if you somehow ignored her bloody yell in the shower for you to hand over her towel…most likely, you will find yourself in a life-and-death situation where BIG and stupefying SPIDERS are involved…not ordinary spiders though…you know those ancient FLYING SPIDERS that scientists are babbling about? Yep…those spiders will most likely follow you around for a whole week just because you are guilty of a most horrible crime in the history of horrible crimes…you ignored your baby sister!

Trust me…the hyperboles are a MUST!

7. SHE STARTED IT!

The advantage that you will most definitely have in your current predicament…you will have a FALL GUY! or sister?

Like, one time when my sister was only 4 years old and doesn’t know any better than to trust her big sister (which is ME), she got to experience first-hand my mom’s fury unleashed just because I told them that she (my younger sis) was the one who let the kittens out of their litter-box when it was most definitely ME who started the whole ordeal—and she just followed her role model (insert EVIL-LAUGH)!

I did tell my parents the truth though…like 14 years later (HAHAHAHAHA). At least what older people say is true that what got you in trouble when you were younger will be the cause of your merriment when you get older! My parents just laughed it off when I told them!

8. Compliments are RARE and considered as ABNORMAL!

Since you are of the same sex and have a very peculiar sisterly bond, it is a little bit on your insecure yet proud side that keeps you guys from complimenting each other on a DAILY basis.

So even if every one of your friends and classmates tell you how gorgeous your sister/s truly is/are, you will still question their sense of sight and hearing and even on some accounts their sense of smell…you will insist that you are still more fabulous and beautiful (except for me because I am sooooo much mooooore gorgeous than both of them); why? because you my friend is in THE NILE! 😉

9. SIBLING RIVALRY doth exist

Now, I think having sisters wakes up that fiery competitive desire of always wanting to up the other. Why? I don’t really know.

When the other graduates salutatorian, the next makes sure to graduate as a valedictorian…when one becomes a writer, the other becomes one too and goes on to more writing classes to reach the other’s capability.

There are a lot of things that my sisters and I are vying for on a daily basis…like who gets to finish their meals first as to not do the dishes…or who gets to wake up first and then hog the couch all by herself to get comfortable during a movie marathon!

But with all these competition going around, I still think it is healthy competition and it seems to be the root why mostly girls are the ones who are most active academic-wise. Girls are trained to become fighters! All thanks to sibling rivalry 😉

(sorry boys! This blog is a bit biased hahaha ❤ )

10. Partners in CRIME!

The BESTest thing with having younger sisters or just sisters for that matter though…(even if you guys swear to murder each other like most of the time)…is that you will never EVER be alone during your most devious of times!

You can play pranks on your parents and have the other back you up (just never have a slip up about the boy she fancies during supper!)!

You can laugh like crazy when your dad forces a serious atmosphere during family meetings, your excuse? At least you’re not alone when you face the devil incarnate when daddy gets mad! And since you’re GIRLS, puppy eyes and sorrowful faces can soften your dad’s wrath!

You can gang-up on your nincompoop of a ‘boy’ cousin who has a girl he finally finally makes a move on by stalking him and the girl on twitter and spilling out all the juicy information to his mom during family get-togethers! 😉

Last but definitely not the least…you can actually have a HEART TO HEART talk with your sisters and they definitely won’t judge you because in you girls’ most sincere and vulnerable moments you know, beneath all the cussing and name-calling, your bonds are SUPER strong and you hold each other in deep regard and with such high respect. You love your sisters (okay I love mine too) and even if to everyone around you you guys are sworn nemesis…deep inside you know…you will always put your sister first and foremost amongst your friends!


So I hope you now have a sort of understanding to the WEIRD bond that is SISTERHOOD!

And even though I said that having sisters are weird and I basically wrote a lot of bad sides of having sisters…I still admit that I cannot imagine my life without our constant bickering and clothes-borrowing/stealing episodes!

I’d rather shave my head than tell my sisters this…but I do treasure them and adore their non-bitchy selves…and though we all tend to annoy the hell out of each other, I wouldn’t want anything between the three of us to EVER change!

xoxo