Have you ever, once in your life, came face-to-face with the ‘Dragon Lady’ from ‘The Devil Wears Prada’?
Or maybe had a brawl with ‘The Mountain’ because you tried messing with Cersei the ‘Incest Queen Mother’ of House Lannister?!
Well trust me, if you hadn’t already, and you’re a 20 something year old currently trying on the shoes of a ‘Grown-Up’ — yet steadily failing—your paths will definitely cross!
But how can one tell which one from your group is the toxic one? Well, worry not because these individuals stand out like a peacock from a haystack! It’s much better to use ‘code names’ though so to top the list we have: ‘Sir-Frown-A-Lot,’ ‘Ma’am-Touch-ME-Not,’ ‘Miss-NEVER-screw-up,’ “Mr.-Kiss-The-Boss’-Ass,” or my personal favorite ‘Missus-Blame-YOU-Lots!’
I don’t know if it’s a universal law or a company protocol to always maintain a ‘hundred and fifty percent’ (150%) tolerance on toxic people. Sometimes I think multi-billion dollar businesses even hire individuals to fill this role of ‘intoxicating’ their workers.
Maybe it helps ensure that their people stay focused on achieving company goals so profits will be met with ease!
OR maybe they just get off at seeing their employees scared to death… what?! It’s a possibility! (Especially with what this world is becoming!)
We have to be careful with these types of people because they are no joke. Their brutal words can leave a permanent emotional scar, and if not handled very carefully then the viral infection of ‘stress’ that these people emit can and will choke us to death.
So, without further a due, this is how you should be around toxic workmates 101:
1. Always respond with a SMILE!
Etched on the faces of these glorified individuals are permanent frowns, so I suggest that even if it is hard to do (especially on a Monday morning pre-ridicule session) with them at the receiving-end, DO IT!
FOR GOODNESS’ SAKE FAKE IT ‘TIL YOU MAKE IT!
Why you ask? Because if you plaster your smiling face for the duration of his or her tirade then it will look like you don’t give a rat’s ass on whatever agenda he or she is spewing.
2. Never allow yourself to be affected by their words!
Never and I MEAN NEVER let their words disturb you. When you are speaking with them try imagining pretty flower blossoms, or cute little puppies. Let their words fall onto deaf ears. Because trust me, for the duration of your talk they are likely only saying meaningless statements regarding an incident that you have already taken care of.
Most of the time, they will talk to you only to spite you. Well, HA-HA to them and WHOOHOO to you!
3. Stay away at all costs!
I highly insist that you deliberately follow this 3rd rule. If you want to survive and have a prolonged employment status in whatever company you’re in, then this is the one advise you clearly need to follow.
You can take a different route on your way to the pantry; you can take the stairs instead of the elevator (good luck for the ones in the 30th floor though); you can march the 20 blocks it would take in order to get to the infrequently used comfort room; or you can take the earliest shift that sane people wouldn’t!
Do what you have to do! I don’t care as long as you have less interactions with the toxic one, the better!
4. Befriend them (?)
Although this seems to be the lesser of evils, it also is the most grueling task you could ever try to accomplish.
Just imagine befriending ‘Janice’ from FRIENDS! Or having forever sarcastic and emotionally retarded Sheldon Lee Cooper, Ph.D., Sc D. from The BigBang over at your place for some coffee. IT’s annoying, will definitely take a toll on you physically and mentally, and will probably scar you for life.
But the better analogy here though, trying to overpower the dark side from Supreme Leader Snoke’s skeleton-of-a-heart so he may stop rebuilding impracticable devises meant for planetary destruction, because let’s face it, whatever Order they are, they always loose to old metal scrap flying majiggies.
‘Fingers-crossed’ that the dark side will not ultimately devour you also. Hopefully, you can pull this toxic Snoke- ehrm workmate into the light with you.
5. GET OUT!
Well, you can’t say you didn’t see this one coming though.
I always believed that we people are similar to seeds. As such, in order to bloom beautifully, we need to be exposed to Tender, Love and Care.
First and foremost, as a seed, we need to have a nutritious soil. A soil that contains the right amount of vitamins and minerals that a seedling needs in order to grow and bear fruit.
The soil in this part pertains to the environment we are exposed in. If the seed is encompassed by contaminated soil, then it will also eventually cease to exist.
The same principle is seen with people. If we allow ourselves to be surrounded by toxic individuals full of negativity, eventually, they can talk us out of our dreams. These wrong folks can pull us down the abyss of darkness and self-pity if not handled correctly.
So, regrettably, even if you have a job that satisfies you yet pessimistic and narcissistic co-workers surround you, then you won’t have an opportunity to grow or to become the person God created you to be. The only way to avoid this is to get yourself planted in another soil far away where contamination won’t reach you!
In other words, GET THE HECK OUT OF THERE!
Save yourself. Buy yourself time.
Search for a greener pasture where the sheep are plenty and weeds are none.