Monthly Archives: January 2015

Late-Night Walk Ponders


Sometimes I ask myself…”Am I really the person I want to be? Am I kind enough? Am I selfless enough?”

Then I realize, all of these questions popped out because, well, truth is, I base my life on the words people say around me.

The thing I hate most about myself is my ‘great idea-ponder it-will people approve-maybe not-then don’t do it’ personality. It mostly happens when I see street people begging along the dirty and crowded streets of the busy City, sleeping on the cold floor full of spit and snot, and children going through trash bins for some spare food.

There is always this nature of me to help out, to look back and actually give the person spare money that I usually have. But even if I want to, my damn self-consciousness shows itself and glues me to the ground I am on and urges me to look away and keep on walking. I realize now that I am much of a hypocrite as the higher-ups of our government that I scorn and bash about.

Saying I feel bad about myself doesn’t even cut it. I despise myself… I feel very much ashamed of myself that sometimes I just want the ground to swallow me whole.

Whenever I let the opportunity of helping someone out slip past my finger tips, this overwhelming ache in my chest suddenly appears…making me guilty for the whole day.

It leaves me only to wonder, am I not using the excess resources that I have wisely? Am I becoming one of ‘them‘–one of the materialistic people replacing their oxygen supply for crack and nicotine? Am I becoming the hypocrite that I despise so much?

My million dollar question…Am I the epitome of all the people I described vehemently on my past blogs and un-filed articles? Do I abhor myself so much that I eventually led myself to believe that I am a whole new other person?

Deep…I know, but the number of questions floating in my mind constantly leaves me gasping for answers.

I love helping people, I want to help people; but my pride, my prejudice, and my selfishness gets in the way of such things. It keeps me from helping the helpless and shivering sectors of this poor country.

Little by little I am disappointing myself…because little by little, I am becoming one of them–an act that can only be attributed through my endless study and observation of the human specie interaction…and i so desperately want to break that possible reality.

Am I only a facade of who I really am? Will I be able to break free from the precarious stares and unending whispers of the shadows of my reality?

I don’t want to…I want to.


the pathetic little girl in moi! *winkwink*



This is me being a TEENAGER and dismissing my ‘deep’ personality.

I am seriously deeply, genuinely, superbly, irrevocably, weirdly, and abysmally (should it be there?! LOL) in freaking too deep!

Okay so I am not in ‘love’ ‘love’ because I don’t know for sure what’s happening to me so I’ll leave it at ‘in too deep’. Hahaha weird right?

So, I was on my dillydallying phase after dinner when my awesomesauce and fantabulous aunt suddenly recalled her past existent love life…like oh my gosh for my part…because erm yeah! I was actually blushing and I can feel my heart hammering because I was also reminiscing my not-really existent love life for the past erm 8 years?!

Oh my gosh I feel like a ratchet…and it’s just SAD because I am not I totally have class! HA!


I can totally recall all my ‘squeal’ and ‘swoon’ moments and the occasional ‘sighs’ and it was just so funfuckingtastic and now I just feel like a pathetic retard with so many hearts in my eyes.

I think I really have a bad case of hang over because oh my serious goshiness I cannot seem to stop thinking about the dudettes HAHAHA! Call me pathetic but my amazing mind has a fantastic memory with added feelings—for a pitiful effect.

Well yeah I’m on a high…totally and I’m probably gonna kill myself for posting this on the INTERNET where people involved can read it HAHAHA.

I apologize for the people who actually read this, I have been stressed for the past months and I think it’s creating a chemical imbalance in my brain, thus turning me into a total loser with a dud of a mouth filter.

Umm I moved on..even if it doesn’t really seem like it but I actually did HAHAHA. I just needed to put that out there. So please don’t misunderstand me 😉 a deep girl can have a sense of patheticness right?!

WAKE UP CALL (a rant about every random thing)


What do you call a girl who loves to hog all the booze and then tell people about it?

No. Let’s try another one.

What do you call a girl who knows nothing much about the world – but her little idealistic and optimistic metaphors from overrated romantic novels and clean, fresh woman’s porn books – and loves to do a little exploration with a big bottle of booze in one hand and a boy toy on the other?

a. A girl who loves adventures (Oh hey! I’m an adventure-type of girl but I limit my adventure stories in bars and salons which my daddy pays for)

b. A naive girl (Oh hi gimme anything!)

c. A cool girl (Oh my gosh I am so cool I don;t mind if you shit all over me!)

d. All of the above

DING.DING.DING.DING! The answer: letter C obviously.

Can you see what I did there? My opening questions basically defines the mainstream and cheap stature of what men- no BOYS (if you can even call’em that) have reduced women to be.

Let’s face it, we are only humans, and as a common rule we live to please and be noticed.

I know, I know that might not be the common rule, but with what society has gotten into, I think it is only befitting.

Men have molded a perfect picture of a ‘Cool girl in their minds that they actually try to find one. In the process, they break the spirit of girls or women (even though they o not have the right to be called as such because of their naivete). But of course, no person in their right mind would want to feel like an outcast, would want to feel like the weird kid with no friends because he or she cannot take part in the activities and whatnot of the ‘in crowd’.

Because of the stereotyping and the ‘you should really try this because it’s chic and it’s in’ dares…VOILA! An immediate crowd of rebelling girls and a bunch of teenage pregnancy hits the news! And who does society blame?! The PARENTS! The people who tried so hard to bring their kids to the right track! People put the blame on someone easily caught and will bring a commotion because they are so full of shit!(pardon my wording, but it is appropriate if one thinks of it!)

They make the good people bad people and make the bad people the good people without even looking close at the evidence right under their noses, because it might hurt their pride to admit they are in the wrong.

Guys! Blame YOURSELF! Do not put the blame on other people when something shitty happens to you because it is solely your life! What you do with it has consequences and you should be ready to embrace them because you were the one who chose this path; no one chose for you!

As for the girls, please do not be easily manipulated to act like how everybody does. We were created to become someone special. We are here for a purpose! Who knows what that purpose is, it might be something big like ATOMIC BOMB BIG! Or it might be some little thing that could one day become a BIG thing for the people you touched.

Never ever ever try to be the COOL KID! Because once you’re a cool girl (let’s stick t girl because that is why i wrote this!) then it means you are doing exactly what boys want you to do. You are enslaving yourself to humiliation and downfall. The meaning of the word cool girl? In this lifetime it does not have a positive ring to it. Times are changing, and with it comes the standards of society and people’s character.

Cool Girl refers to girls trying so hard to be perfect and by perfect I mean being an easy catch for luring men! Cool girls are those girls whose mindset are on booze and boys! They no longer care about their education because well, they’re cool and beautiful and they can get whoever they want to have or whatever they want to have with just a snap of their fingers. What they do not know is they are only doing this because they are not strong enough to acknowledge that they have a different purpose in this world than all the other people in the ‘in crowd’. They want to stand out, they want to partake in the activities that more than half of the world’s teenage population is doing because they want to be NOTICED and they want to have FUN! But the truth is, this is really not who they are.

Sure booze and boys are fun! But what if, you fall in love per se? You fell heads over heels for a guy you met in a bar or at a friend’s party and the guy is attracted to you too because yu fall under the category of a ‘good lay’ and an ‘easy catch’. Do you see where I am going with this? Please, do not reduce yourself to a whore every hormonal teenage boy wants! I used the W or H word whatever because it’s TRUE! The characters of a slut is what a guy in this generation wants! Tsk hormonal people…so disappointing, and they say we are the future of the world? That’s just great, if we do not change the way we live, then what can you expect from a huge hormonal population of teenagers? BABIES. POPULATION EQUALS NADA PLACE TO LIVE IN! Oh okay then , let’s all LIVE IN MARS! Yeah whatever.

It’s not so much as changing who we are, we just have to acknowledge the PERFECT us already inside us. The cool girl is only a facade. We can change personalities like all the time, it is just a personality that we try to uphold because it is in and it is hip and it can guarantee a nice guy who loves the same thing you do: BOOZE, POT..whatever.

PERSONALITY PERSONALITY. Try to understand who you are on the INSIDE! Do not be pressured to become who society wants you to be. You do not even have to be the nicest guys if that’s nto your personality (but there really is GOODNESS inside us no matter what we do..we canot escape the light?), besides no one can standardize good an bad. Who the heck knows what is really GOOD and really BAD?! One way or another, if you choose one you’ll eventually hurt someone’s feelings.

You might say I am such a hypocrite because I am already standardizing the dos and don’ts. Well, I’m not okay?!

I want to believe that we are all creatures full of love and comfort and laughter. No one would want to live in a shithole of booze and crack and stress and exhaustion. Addicts might now then say…that is exactly where we want to live! Well, actually that’s not. Look at yourselves, you only swung that way (and by that way I meant the booze and crack and easy lays) because consequences lead you to it. Please handle your life seriously. Do not be impulsive with taking substances that will lead to your downfall because that is not how life is supposed to be lived. We were here to explore the vastness of the world, sure you can taste and try them SOMETIMES not ALWAYS! And trying stuff dangerous to your health is not exactly something to be proud of. Just, try to see who you really are on the inside.

Inside, I know we are all alike…we still have that little kid inside us yearning to be let out and relive.

Live for yourself. Love who you are. Be true to yourself even it it is a LOT a LOT scary because that is WHO YOU ARE. THAT IT WHAT WILL MAKE YOU STANDOUT FROM OTHER PEOPLE!

Hope you guys remember that!

Anyways, with the advancement in technology comes not only pollution but also- a revolutionary upheaval in character of the people. Technology has forced us to be closed-minded people. We can simplify things with technology, heck we can even communicate without going out f our comfort zone. We are not socialites anymore, it basically destroyed one of the most important thing humans have.

Moreover, because of technology a lot of people not worthy of praise and much less time have become icons and role models. People who get paid to look what they look like so they can live in lavish places and continue living as the person they want their viewers not to be.

That is it. This world, the people here are only imitations of humans. Therey do not have any personality anymore. They did not obtain their right to choose who they want to become because society has already laid everything to us. They want to spoon feed us into believing that what they want is right. That what they want will make you a better person. But really, the people who established the standard personality of ‘Good guys’ and ‘Bad guys’ do not even know who they are between the two.

For better analysis, look at what happened to child stars and actors that showbiz produced to become icons and role models for people they want to manipulate. There are various cases of ‘disappointment’ and so many ‘shades of shame’ for them because society learned that what they portrayed all along was a facade. All the goody-two shoes thing was all just one big bowl of ugly and baloney LIES!

We fell in love with the concept of ‘good’ and ‘bad’ because that is what society wanted. That is how we were raised to be.

But then, why do we love the lies when the whole world shouts and cries for the TRUTH! Even our department of justices always say…”Tell the truth and nothing but the truth.” After saying this, everyone just goes on  and on about lies.


Because we are all AFRAID of the TRUTH! We are so very terrified to know how covetous and how devious human nature can be, so we tried to make a person perfect. We created actors to show how people should be perfect and yet the movies still keep on spewing lines of ‘Nobody is perfect’ when they are showing us otherwise.

We jaded ourselves and barred big strong brick walls around us- walls of lies- because that is what we wanted. Society is composed of humans or persons- of individual beings. When we blame society we should also blame ourselves because we constitute society.

How can we trust society and love the world and everyone in it when they would all just up and leave without so much a another glance when we show them our true colors.

Why is a person’s ‘true color’ so condemning when he or she is just trying to live his/her life the way he or she wants it to be?

There is clearly something wrong with this picture.

Old friends and conspiracy theories.


i feel the same way, tho i am still an aspiring doctor, i already felt how your friend felt. Sometimes I let my ideologies get in the way of my everyday life- well for instance my college life- and that is really stressful. Constantly thinking of a lot of deep things yet not knowing hw to handle them all. Like, I know I am a very deep person and some people might find it weird and maybe a li’l bit amazing that’s why i created my blog acct. I’m not very good with comunicating how I feel t others, so i just write it and post it here for the whole world to see…well, that is if they actually take time to notice my account. HAHA this is too long but yeah I just got motivated with your conclusion of “At least you have contributed something to this chaos we call “Humanity“.

Do it for love. Do it because we are all part of the same story, whether we accept this or we don’t”..hope your friend will step out of his comfort zone and maybe, find a way to share his ideologies with everyone else. 😀