When the odds are not in your favor, and there’s a 99.9% chance of things going wrong, hold on to your o.1%.
As long as you have the chance to do something magical in your life take that opportunity for you might never come across such miracle ever again.
I may sound hypocrite, but 48 hours of songs of praise, watching testimonies and reading God’s words changed my perspective in life. It’s like I did a whole 360 with just one flick of a finger!
It took me nine months to wallow in self pity and self-loathing and I told myself I have had enough. I was so tired of being hurt and being envious of the happenings in other people’s lives that I was almost sure I would never taste my Nirvana. But like what they say, life is a mystery.
It started out as an ordinary Saturday, I went to school and back feeling awfully tired and cranky. I opened my books and finished my homework due Monday before logging on to my computer. Then, I saw this link about three girls singing ‘Hallelujah’ by Leonard Cohen and immediately got curious so I clicked on it. Little did I know it would lead me to a portal of praises and worships and testimonies that would change my life forever.
Forever, big word I know, but the things I have witnessed inside that site (Faithtap.com) would forever be embedded in my heart. The glorifying miracles that God has made in the lives of the people there were all astounding and everything just seemed to click right in to place. Suddenly everything made sense. It’s like I can finally see the bigger picture of my own life.
Realizations came to me like tons of rock slamming me to the ground and drilling holes in my mind about God’s real purpose of putting me where I am right now. I felt stupid, and very very humiliated. I felt like I was stripped naked. I was ashamed of my selfishness and of my childish reasoning. I felt unworthy to be in His presence.
But then, I remembered the verse my aunties and uncles keep on repeating during our fellowship nights… “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus,” (Romans 8:1).
The tears of both shame and pure joy marred my already wet ample cheeks and made me want to literally shout for joy and sing God praises. I felt renewed, empowered, alive, able, talented, special, beautiful in every aspect, perfect, and a worthy daughter of the Most High God!
The experience of God’s Holy Spirit dancing with me and caressing my face made my heart want to burst free from its cage. I felt the strong arms of Jesus embracing me and giving me encouraging words to keep on going and to keep on standing strong because He will fight my battles now. He told me that I need not to worry anymore, that I can finally let go of my past setbacks and let God do all the healing and mending and magic in my life…and I did just that.
The whole experience made me think of a college professor teaching a very stubborn student the basic concept of cations and anions in chemistry. An ‘anion’ keeps on a negative charge because it carries more electrons than protons while a cation takes on a positive charge because it carries fewer electrons and more protons. This is similar with a person’s life. You can choose to be an anion and take on many negative thoughts becoming a pessimist in the process, or be a cation; a person so full of God’s grace and positive energy that not a single electron or negative thing can make him falter in his steps to victory.
But what if you started out as an anion (like me) but wants to change and become a cation instead? Is it too late? Will you be in a permanent state of negativity?
No. You have the ability to change the course of life. God gave us chances and free will that we are able to wander and live any way we want to…it’s our choice. But one way or another, without you knowing it, when you feel like you’re more than just six feet under, God Himself lends you His strong and able arms to hold on to so He could easily lift you up again. You just need to let go of the ropes holding you down and trust God that He is able to save you from anything. Similar in the basic concept of Chemistry, in order for an anion to become a cation, it needs to let go of its extra electron so the proton can be exposed and the whole element will be able to take on a positive charge.
Meaning, you just need to let go of your electron– your negative thoughts– in order for you to gain a profound positive energy and become a cation– a person who beams with positivism and joy and peace. It’s solely your choice.
The same concept happened to me. I watched a teaching by Joel Osteen, in which he says that I cannot and will not be able to receive God’s unending favor and miracles if I myself will not let go of my past. He said that I– we need to forget about the hardships of the past so God can integrate lots of innovations and developments in our person hood today.
It took me nine long and agonizing months to realize that. It took me several blogs and essays stating my dilemmas of being heard and being noticed; being all emo and envious took my precious time before I finally came to.
But I am still very thankful, and if you would ask me now that, with everything that has happened to me and knowing everything that I know now, would I still do it. Would I still choose the path that I have chosen before and live my life in the same process?
My answer would be and always will be a yes. Because if I haven’t experienced the things that I have had, I think then, my life will not be worth anything. If I lived a perfect life right from the start, then I wouldn’t be able to know God’s goodness, mercy and unconditional love for me. With every second of my past I have matured. It molded me to become a stronger person who will not be swayed by anything that easily because I am standing on a foundation so firm and strong– Jesus Christ.
All the hurt, the envy, the hatred, and the shame was worth it in the end. Because I know now that God only gives strong challenges to His strongest and most able soldier…and I am that soldier.
The emotional scars that have healed through God’s grace are all testimonies to who I really am.
And now…after everything that’s happened I am finally ready. Ready to take on the next set of battles that life will throw at me. Ready to become a stronger soldier of the Lord. I am positive that I will reach my victory and have a very easy life in the process because Jesus is always by my side. Never to abandon me, always to support, strengthen, protect, guide, bless, believe, and love me.
Whatever happens, I will stand my ground knowing that God will always be by my side. I will always situate myself in the high place of Christ.
I will keep on moving forward with easy and light steps to reach my end goal…my nirvana…my GOD.